Be Brazen

"Stop talking about everyone else's version of you and 

just start talking about you...

What do YOU want?"

a gift from a stranger & a friend

A little lifetime...

Today after posting on Facebook, a little note about the memory of my little Jack, who we lost at 9 days old 14 years ago, I was met with some of the kindest words from some of the kindest women I know. 
I am so humbled by the women I have met in my life...so much strength and love and perseverance and fortitude.  We have to support one another. 
But a thought came to mind of what I was going through back then... I had this immediate need to 'fix' it ... We weren't getting a new brother in the family....how was I going to 'fix' this? 

We want to fix things...as women, we hate to see our loved ones suffer, so we will go to whatever means necessary to 'fix' it .... who hasn't taken the forgotten permission slip to school?  Or the forgotten lunch?  Those are the simple things...but how was I going to find a brother? 
I know, it sounds nuts...but it's how I felt. I didn't want to let them down. But he was gone...this was out of my control. 
Acceptance for a mother who likes to 'fix' and 'rescue' and 'make it all better' was difficult. 
And then after a year of numb, another 6 months of grief that eventually made an appearance, and finally getting an unexpected job as a hostess in a nearby bistro, I realized that I needed to quit looking in and begin looking out.  I couldn't live 'inside' myself anymore. Because honestly, it just wasn't about me.  Jack's death among other very difficult events that took place at that time were, in fact, more about finding the life outside of me. 

I only had Jack for 9 short days....not 9 months, not 9 years.  Jack lived his full life in 9 days.  His life was never a promise to me.  And I learned that none of my children were born with promises...
There is no guarantee that our loved ones will live long lives, be without disease, make all kinds of money, go to college....no...we get them for moments. We just have to embrace these moments. But we also have to let them go...take risks...fly airplanes...yes...so while we embrace their moments on earth, we also have to set them free. 

How much time do I spend planning for the future?  It's an odd thought when I really dig into it.  It shows me how little I embrace each day... rather I have been looking at everything BUT today! 

Obviously, we can't live without some planning...money for college, a vacation, when I'm getting my next cup of coffee....  But what about the people?  Do we really look into the eyes of our kids or our spouses when we have a conversation?  Really...just look right into your little boy's eyes when he speaks to you...he's talking to YOU...He wants YOU to hear him....He picked YOUR ears for his important words. Now stop what you're doing and look at him!

What can we 'fix' BECAUSE we are here...because we are alive and breathing...because we have second chances....
I realized that there is no time to sit idle....I need to be looking for all the things I can fix within my power.
I will run the lunch money to the school, I will get those homecoming clothes, I will go 10 miles out of my way while in KC to get a hug and a short visit, I will bring you Gatorade when you're sick and its way out of my way, and I will sit with you and listen, really listen to you...since you chose me to hear your big idea. 

I know these words of mine are the ideal and I fall short big time! I know on many occasions I have not engaged while being spoken to. But it's in my heart to do better. It's in my big {future} picture to take better care of myself so I can be at the ready when I'm needed.  Kids, family, friends...I'll go where you need me because I don't have any promises that I will have you for even one more day.

I love you
xo
me

Prescribed

Good Morning!
And what good would it be without my morning medication?
Some folks may get their daily meds at the pharmacy...I conjure my concoction right in my own apothecary...my kitchen.
I'm not ashamed to say that I require at least 6 ounces of caffeine containing joy each and every day.
As my sweet Auntie Margarite would say, "I can't be good ALL the time". That is her response to the notion that we will be 'better' people if we quit our habits. This little prescription isn't a habit, it's a necessity.
I grind my favorite beans in my 1930's KitchenAid Hobart grinder, releasing an amazing aroma that even anti coffee folks love, and then brew up a hot pot of black gold in my $10 five cup coffee maker.
That's how Mr. Cady and I begin our day. We barely drink the 5 cups, so how bad can it be?
Let me tell ya, it's gonna be way bad for our loved ones if we DON'T drink it.
Today I'm celebrating!
Two out of the three kids (out of the five) that have been home for break are back in school! I love having them home for sure, but I also love my quiet time in the morning. Which had been hijacked by my ten year old who somehow has the uncanny sleep clock that awakes bright and early on weekends and breaks, but runs defective on school days...more research needed.
And what's this about college break lasting over five weeks? My grocery bill has doubled and since college son's job is back at campus....HELLO!!! He's bored to tears, eating us out of house and home and it's freezing outside!
Anyone have some dogs that need exercise? Let's get this kid back in the sky!

Well, back to my drug problem...I'm not apologizing.
Just look at the joy in my cup! How can anyone's day be anything but great if there's a tiny happy cup of love to begin it with?
What's your cup full of?
Have a 'cup full of joy' kind of day ❤