January 26, 2021

Bits of Wonder

I sit here from my bedroom... watching restfully as silent snow falls delicately onto pine branches. I wonder how long before they give way to the seemingly weightless snow.  

It’s January 1, 2021. 

All around the world, we’ve suffered a long and arduous year of uncertainty. 

What can we take from it into the coming year?

What have we learned? Gained? Lost?

For me, it's been a lot of change, unrest, a bit of chaos, and moments of sadness. 

I moved, my kids moved, I moved again. I changed the way I live, where I live, and I chose all of it. I learned that I may gather help from others at times, but in the end, I have me.  My mind, my body, and my spirit are ultimately what I must rely on.  All of these bits of wonder reside within me, now, before, and forevermore. 

Everything we need lives within us.

It’s always been there and always will be.  

We must trust our mind, body, and our intuitive understanding of what we know to be true.  There is a difference between the voice rattling around in our head and the innate voice. One belongs to the ego and one belongs to our spirit.  Quieting fear is to quiet the ego. 

Our bodies are merely vessels that carry our being, our consciousness. We can actually step out of our ego...our fear, our want, our anxiety and take back our ability to fully navigate this powerful ship we reside in. 

Does this sound too esoteric? Too 'woo woo'? 

There is this notion that we are controlling the world around us, but if we really look, we will see that all things outside of our bodies are going to happen regardless of how we 'feel' about it. We can study the weather and wish it to be warm, but it will be what it is and we will adapt. 

I learned that I truly had no control of anything when my 9-day old son passed away.  I had to just sit there and let it happen. I had to let the agony pass through me and overcome me.  There was no other option. My mind wanted to 'fix' it...bring him back, stop the crushing pain of loss. I began experiencing anxiety attacks that were debilitating. Nothing could pull me out of it.  I was given medication, therapy, I slept, I quit living. Finally, I looked at my other children and realized I had to get up. I wasn't aware of it at the time, but I stepped away from the physical affliction my body was experiencing and took control of my conscious mind and willed myself to get up, get moving, get a job. Live. 

There is no place closer to God than walking in elevated consciousness. NONE. Many discuss the existence of God and toil over the way to prove the existence of this divine entity.  Unless one is willing to take this walk into the divine, the triviality of daily life will be ever present. 

Love is at its best here. Its tangible. When stepping into this light, we can see each human being for the precious and fragile soul they truly are. Judgement ceases.  Believing that we have any conception of how God sees us is small minded and belittling of such a being.  The benevolence that comes from God, this magnificent and sacred being, is a light we cannot fathom. But even so, we can experience the lightness of this love. 

This light is at the center of our spirit.  My beliefs may be unpopular among my Christian friends, but I believe that there is no God simple enough to be confined to our understanding.  Whether it's the Bible or Quran or the Torah, these tools are here to bridge a gap. The gap between the simple and the complex.  If we are taught that Jesus came to earth to save us from our sins, are we not believing in a super power greater than our own? Yet in our simple minds, we limit the extension and expansion of this power to a mere book. Seems counterintuitive. 

Because it isn't true. It isn't. 

Let no one influence you away from the intuitive knowledge of who you are, whom you desire to be and the past you wish to leave behind.  

Inhale the reality that the last breath you exhaled is forever gone and with each new breath you can begin again. 

And again...and again.   

You are not permanent. 

You are not stone. 

You are soft, pliable, ever changing, evolving, learning, growing. 

You are here. Now. 

No matter the mistakes nor the triumphs of yesterday, the path before you is not made. Untouched and undisturbed, the ground awaits your first gentle step into the works you desire to manifest. 

Today is another day, it was once tomorrow and will soon become yesterday...

You, my love, cannot capture the air, the moment, nor the choice that has expired and left this moment. You can, however, decide where, when, and how, you will your next adventure to transpire. 

What a magical gift to know that what lies before you has yet to be determined! 

You may take a giant leap into deep snow unlike the careful small steps you normally take or sip tea you’ve never tasted... 

You might consider a new career leaving the expectations of others behind. 

You may simply try your coffee without cream or sugar to challenge your palate only to find enjoyment in the bold flavor. 

Consider confronting an old memory to sort out an old misunderstanding. 

Simply said, point your feet in a new direction to disrupt an old belief and start to explore the ‘you’ you’ve yet to meet. 

all my love,


April 2, 2020

Quieter, Softer, Simpler

I sat down at my desk this morning...the ‘Big Table’ from The 4th Street Cafe and started to write a list for the day.  My mind wandered to memories of the people that shared meals here back when this was the community table at my little bakery cafe in Manhattan, Kansas.
Total strangers became beautiful friends at this table. People gathered here to love on one another as they bellied up to this weathered piece of wood for food and conversation. 
Those lovely memories brought me back to now. Where are they? How are they doing? 
I started to think about our current state of affairs.  I know many are worried about finances and health but we will be okay. 

We. Will. Be. Okay.
I promise.

For the first time in maybe ever... our world is quieter, softer, simpler.
There’s a peace settling in. Do you feel it yet? Are you allowing it?
There are many people suffering as a result of this, yet, at the same time, our world has collectively come together like never before. 
They’ve shut down consumerism, religion, and capitalism. 
Technology that could divide us is bringing us closer. 
A worldwide illness that could kill us, is uniting us.

At first, I was absorbing the anxiety of everyone around me.
Now I’m feeling a sense of peace and calm.  What are you feeling?
I believe there will be a mourning when we return to the ‘noise’ we feared losing.

What lesson can we learn from this? 

Our leaders continue to call the Covid-19 pandemic a ‘war’. On the hour, we are handed free tickets to the 'fear factor' show with the intention of stimulating our anxiety and uncertainty.

The funny thing is, if we disconnect from the sensationalism and fear mongering, the orders we have been given are actually drawing us closer together. 
Our sensibilities and trust in what we know to be good and right will reveal the peace that lives within us and that will become the louder voice!
The peace that lives within us will become the louder voice! 

People have started to value what’s most important and recognizing what they can 
live without. 

We are learning that we are a creative, kind, powerful, and intuitive people.
and much better together than we are apart.

Turn off the noise. Turn off the talking heads. Tune in to your gifts... Your people, your creativity, your healthy body, the quiet... find the beauty in this moment.  

I love you. 

May 6, 2019

Beneath Resistance

Just as I discovered my reasons, my self evaded my mind.
So much longing for escape, but feeling caged within the cage.

The outline of my body like an empty vessel to fill.
Ideas and dreams, buried beneath fear that pours in like colored sand.

The loose creative bits are no longer accessible. 

Baubles of colorful thought that once played freely in my mind 

Now lie captive under layers of fear's heavy resistance. 
Break this vessel I say! Can you see me buried inside? 

Throw me with all your might to shatter this cage!
Set free the confined notions, whims, and intellect. 

Unearth my truth